As
we disembarked the crowed G9 after a tiring one-hour commute and stepped onto
the musty pavement leading to the old Colonial style building, we were
overwhelmed by the sweet aroma of freshly baked goodies. After wolfing down a
couple of the soft and fluffy doughnuts that melted in our mouths, leaving a
rich, velvety coating on our palette, we proceeded towards the platform ticket counter.
Behind the counter, sat a stout old man who handed out our platform tickets. After
we stepped on to the desolate platform occasionally sprinkled with commuters
and porters, we noticed the extensive British influence in the architectural
style. Enormous arch ways sprawled across this granite walled structure. The constant
chirping of a bird and the ticking of an antique analog clock was occasionally
disturbed by the whistling of an oncoming train. As we made our way up the
rickety overhead footbridge connecting the only two platforms, the wooden
ceiling reinforced with aluminum caught our sight. The distinction between the
two platforms became evident in the fairly modern exit way.
After
haggling with a few persistent rickshaw waalas who refused to reduce their
exorbitant fares, we finally found one who was willing to go by meter, a rare
sight in Bangalore. On our way to Cooke town, the rickshaw waala eagerly
informed us about the newly constructed and well equipped garage right next to
the cantonment station, meant for the servicing of the diesel engines and other
bogies, after correctly guessing us to be college students on a mission. The
gigantic structure of the St. Francis Xavier Cathedral, towering over its
surrounding educational institutes caught our eye and put us into a deep sense
of awe. After paying a sum of merely Rs. 24, we began our search for Lewis
Street. The ironic sight of the close proximity of an Islamic boutique and a
pub strangely named Sherlock Holmes amused us.
On Wheeler’s Road, we chanced upon a scooter
with an attached sidecar through the open gates of a green coloured building.
On seeing our interest in the vehicle, the owner of this building ushered us
in. A welcoming old lady adorning a blazing pink dress, complementing her
wheatish skin tone, fevourently introduced herself as Shabnam. Her smile
reached the wrinkles of her twinkling eyes as she gushed about the fond
memories of her childhood days. Shabnam, the former resident of Brigade Road
had moved into this area thirty years ago. She jokingly pointed at the various
issues the residents face today, but was quite optimistic on the whole and had built
a sense of immunity towards them. She became quite nostalgic as she remembered
the days when she as a kid could go out on and play on the streets that were
now choked with traffic, with minimal space for pedestrians to walk. Also she pointed out the degradation of
values brought about by the exposure that children get today. She also stated
that her social life had become almost nil compared to that in the 70’s as
everyone was to busy minting money. After a long conversation we bid her farewell
and proceeded along.
After
asking for directions from rickshaw wallahs and policemen, we finally entered
Cooke’s Town. We read sign board after sign board till we found Lloyd Street.
We strolled into the residential area noticing the influences from old British
architecture in the modern multi story apartments. We also saw some old houses
with monkey tops reminiscent of the same. Finally stepping into the quieter
Lewis Street we were caught by cops. They questioned our intentions and purpose
of being in that locality. Bemused, we showed them our letter of purpose and
id’s and they mellowed down. However, after they moved along, we were informed
by a lawyer who had been watching the proceedings, that they did not have the
authority to do so. Thinking that the highhandedness of policemen was the same everywhere,
we moved to our next destination.
After
chugging down some sugarcane juice, we found some adorable kittens outside a
fruit shop, not realizing that this also was one of the places listed on our
brief. We interacted with the jolly and
talkative old fruit vendor, Javed, who told us tales from his childhood. Being
from the third generation of fruit sellers, he had recently moved to Cooke Town
from Shivaji Nagar and found it better and in his words ‘more decent’. His
grandfather had moved to Bangalore from 4o kms out, for the sole purpose of
making a living and this phenomenon had continued through the ages. Over jokes
about the kittens’ mother leaving them for her husband and bananas, which he
gave us a discount for, he gave us little excerpts from his life. One of the
main things that he pointed out was the value of money. A man could earlier, provide
for a family of ten, but the same was impossible in today’s day and age. Also
education had become more important where a mere degree from today could be
compared to matriculating in the yester years and a man with a bicycle was a
rich man. We finally moved along with a holistic understanding of life in the
cantonment area in the present as well as the past.
The strength of this piece is the vivid description and the little details that you give of your journey through Cooke Town. It is interesting and I really appreciated and enjoyed the images that you constructed (the desolate platform, choked with traffic). It helps evoke a picture of the place, you need to think more carefully about the central idea of the piece.
ReplyDeleteThe areas where you can improve further are:
The Opening Paragraph - right now the piece just begins with the start of your journey but it does not give the reader any idea of what the key idea of the piece is. Think about the following questions:
What is the central idea?
What is it that you want the reader to feel by the end?
What message are you giving them?
These questions will not only help you develop the opening paragraph but also the entire piece.
Conclusion: there is no clear conclusion and the piece ends rather abruptly. The answers you have to the questions above will help you develop the conclusion as well.
The piece is informative but you need to visit the area again with a more clear list of questions or topics to discuss (Which is based on the above 3 big questions). that will make it more informative.
All in all a very good first draft which can be developed further after you visit the place again.