Moving out of the cantonment
station with our mind and sky still clouded and the smoke guiding us through
the unknown streets. We walk under the orchard of trees and greet its natives
as we find our way through those thin avenues , we find ourselves suddenly
exposed to a lot more than just the wail of the train and rustling of leaves.
We cross roads on
crossroads with busses and cars gushing by while the rickety cycle rickshaw rests
on that corner of the road where stood a bakery without a door but a wall of
accolades shining from a distance, like it has for over a hundred years. A
place so unlike the others, a place so old yet so new as it was still packed with whiff of the biscuits and
smoothness of buns it made at first, feeing no need to compete with the hues of
tapered pastries and finely packed bodies of oil. As times changed bakers on
cycle going from door to door were
replaced by customers on cars to find their destination around the smells of
roasted sesame, slithering honey, melting hot chocolate and rancid flour that
has grown with them through years offering them those special coconut cookies
at the age of 10 and the fancy cocktail samosa’s now. That’s from Albert Bakery
takes it name.
The narrative is informative and interesting. The change in time shown by the bakers selling his goods on cycles to customers driving to buy goods is interesting and it will add a lot to the writing if you can use many such examples. The writing is like a walk through Richard's Town which gives it a personal touch. The writing is informative as you learn a lot about the environment of Richard Town, though it needs to be completed.
ReplyDeleteThe narrative would be a lot more interesting when it is completed as it will give a sense of ending to the entire passage.
I can image what a part of Richard Town looks like and am willing waiting to read the rest.
The idea of showing a place through the 5 senses is well covered. One can actually visually imagine the place. You get interested as you form a rough image of Richard's town, and feel like experiencing the same. The description of the bakery products just tempts you to go to the bakery.
ReplyDeleteA little more emphasis on the cantonment railway station and the experience there will make the walk to the bakery more interesting.
Wonderful draft .
ReplyDeleteReading about the Albert Bakery part made my mouth water and also was a piece of interest for me .
Its very informative and interesting as this part of Richard park was out of my sight .
you guys portrayed everything you experienced in a very phenomenal manner.
Overall Amazing Effort :)
Very good opening paragraph but you need to mention that you were in Mosque road (which is in Frazer Town, Richard's Town is after the bridge near Clarence School). You also need to find out more about Clarence School.
ReplyDeleteWill give you more detailed comments soon.
Tushar, Karman and Savya, good to see encouraging comments but you really need to give more detailed feedback including answers to ALL the 5 guiding questions given in class.
ReplyDelete