As
development usurps every inch of the city, it is not uncommon to hear
Bangaloreans grumble about how Bangalore has been losing its essence. It’s a
certain nostalgia that a person fosters with the existing place, which makes him
remind of his childhood memories. The space that was once his playground in the
Somneshwar temple was now a concrete structure. As we began to explore the
importance of an emotional connect with a space, we could sense the nostalgia
amongst Satish Kumar who expressed his regret that
the ‘good old days’ of living a content life is gone. Mr.
Kumar described a fulfilled life in a sentence. He said, “A person who sleeps peacefully
is a content man “. This retained in our minds throughout the walk.
The old residents of Ulsoor are not saying
anything, but are pragmatic. They felt that preserving the city’s identity in this age of
globalization is very important. By this
they meant that they aren’t opposing Bangalore's growth or development,
but want to preserve their city's flavor
.
Being
another outsider, we too got accepted by this cosmopolitan city. At the first
look of Bangalore, its passage seemed hazardous because of the flow of traffic
and the number of pedestrians on the street but it still has an indescribable
charm that it conceals.
Going
with the hope of not just documenting and capturing fast disappearing
histories, stories and memories of places and people, we initiated a certain relationship with the
residents that changed our perceptions about them.
Strolling
by the Ulsoor lake, the prefix lake on
the boards all over caught out eyes which triggered our senses to explore the
civilization established around it .
A very effective and apt introduction. It somewhat connects the viewer with the happenings. However, the paragraphs need to be arranged in an order. What was visible - the piece revolves around the history of Bangalore and Mr. Kumar's memories and opinions rather than building a picture of Ulsoor and adding you own personal touch.
ReplyDeleteDhara this comment is not enough. Please give detailed comments on all the 5 questions as per instructions and look at my comments for an example of the level of detail you need to go into.
ReplyDeleteThe opening paragraph is effective in showing that the piece is about memories and nostalgia. I have made a couple of minor changes in sentence construction to suggest how you can use simpler language to communicate more effectively:
ReplyDelete"As real estate developers usurp every inch of the city, it is not uncommon to hear Bangaloreans grumble about how Bangalore has been losing its essence. This is due to a certain nostalgia that a person fosters with regard to a place, which reminds of his childhood memories. "
An important point about the title - the piece is not only about the lake. In fact you spent time in the religious institutions there did you not? So the title doesn't work.
You have also talked about cosmopolitanism and how you too are accepted. May be this can be the central idea of the piece - How Ulsoor as a locality personifies the cosmopolitanism of the city?
There are different religious institutions there temples, gurudhwaras and a church as well. Visit all three. Also talk to vendors in the market. Find out about the different language groups there. Meet both Tamil and Kannada speakers and find out if there are also Daccini speaking Muslim traders and residents there who you can speak with.
A good first draft - needs more information and observation for further development.